You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
