Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
