can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
