No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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