his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
