I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
