yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
