i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize