i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
