my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
