wanna go halves on a baby?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
