so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
