I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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