dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
