my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
