so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
