never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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