He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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