My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry about my life...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize