I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You're like the curious george of whores
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
