Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize