Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
