i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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