I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
