im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
