I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
