Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
