I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
