we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
