As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
