they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
