she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
