i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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