new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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