if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
