I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
