had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
