Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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