You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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