I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
