Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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