i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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