Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
