how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
