I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
