I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
