Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
