I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
