I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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