my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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