I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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