How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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