Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
