We got so high we made milksteak
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
