oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
