My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it hurts more in the daytime
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
