I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
50% drunk capacity currently
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
