i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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