watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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