Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
