dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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