He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
