Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
