call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
