lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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