dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
