I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
