Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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