This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
