tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
